I want to walk on stilts...naked
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
