doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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