you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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