She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
