we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
