i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
