Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
