Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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