and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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