Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
