Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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