It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
