I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
