2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
