Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
