sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
