All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
