I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
