how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I only lived at night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
