I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
