Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
