well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
