what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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