Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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