SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
