This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
