We won't sleep together?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
