The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
