ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
