bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
