Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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