She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
