Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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