i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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