So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
