My room smells like vodka and shame
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ugly people sure do ruin things
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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