i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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