Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
