that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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