I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
