she was so not down for the gang bang
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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