doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
