end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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