I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
