Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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