You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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