Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
