they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
