I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
