end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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