Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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